Let's dance.

Machismo

2009-09-01T13:50:00.000-07:00

Oh, machismo.

Present all over the world, particularly strong and well-known in Latin America. There is a much more obvious presence of assertive females who do not let this attitude affect them here in Buenos Aires than in many other places, possibly because of the big city culture (I noticed this in Mexico City also). However, it exists and is sometimes annoying, sometimes laughable, and sometimes dangerous.

According to dictionary.com, machismo is a strong or exaggerated sense of manliness; an assumptive attitude that virility, courage, strength, and entitlement to dominate are attributes or concomitants of masculinity; a strong or exaggerated sense of power or the right to dominate.

This exaggerated sense of manliness and the right to dominate manifest themselves in diverse ways in their relationships with women. Here is my theory about the primary channels of machista expression in intergender relationships—my Seis Clases de Hombres Machistas.

Tipo 1: Machista Sexual

This man believes he can and should sleep with any and every woman. He considers himself a bestia sexual, extremely charming, with the ability to woo the pants off of any female. In most social situations, especially those with any bit of alcohol involved, you can find this man intently searching out his next victim. It is almost impossible for these men to be faithful in any dating or marriage situations, and so relationships are often short, turbulent, and purely physical.

Machista Tipo 2: Machista Tradicional

This man thinks in terms of gender roles and spheres of influence in society. The man’s space is in the public sphere, the woman´s is at home with the children. He also considers himself dominant or authoritative over every single woman he comes in contact with, be it a wife, daughter, sister, coworker, waitress, housecleaner, etc. In many cases this sadly manifests itself in physical, sexual, or verbal abuse (i.e., cases where upper class men frequently sexually assault the working class women who clean their houses). In a more progressive society where women are powerful, opinionated, and ofter given positions of authority, these men find themselves fighting a losing battle to maintain automatic dominance.

Machista Tipo 3: Machista Caballero (Gentleman)

Chivalry is still alive and well, but it is also annoying. There are gentlemen who will not let women carry books, bags, or boxes (although they do allow us the privilege of carrying babies). This tipo 3 does not want “his” woman to break a sweat or suffer any inconvenience. Why? Maybe he is trying to seduce her. Maybe he is trying to make her feel obligated to accept his advances. Maybe he wants her to fit his image of the ideal female who never breaks a sweat (or burps, farts, or poops). Whatever the cause, this seemingly nice fellow who will go to the ends of the earth to help out his “princess” and save her from life´s “dragons” is fully and wholly a machista.

Machista Tipo 4: Machista Verbal/Emocional

Hermosa, linda, reina, pequena, guapa, vida…Every women who has walked down the roads of Latin America knows that whisles and piropos will follow her wherever she goes. In actually conversations, the verbal affirmation intensifies as men may feel the need to express their feelings very strongly towards any female who has caught their eye. In small amounts, I admit, it is flattering (everyone needs to be told they are pretty once in a while, right?). However, this manifestation is rarely found in small amounts, as men will tell their reina how she has changed their lives, how beautiful she is from head to toe, how there is no one like her…all in a soft, soothing, begging, pleading tone of voice which very thinly hides the manipulation behind these words.
This Machismo Verbal often goes hand in hand with Machismo Sexual, the tipo 4 being used as a tool to arrive at a sexual conquest.

Machista Tipo 5: Machista Grupal

This comes out and rears its ugly head when men find themselves among other men. For example, while getting lunch together in a restaurant, the waitress comes along. She is female and slightly attractive. All of a sudden, in order to show off their masculinity to their friends, the obnoxious comments begin. It is almost a competition either to see who can be the crudest and rudest when discussing said woman, or who can flirt, charm, and get her attention best. This is the testosterone rearing its competitive head; there is a need to establish who is the manliest manly man.

Machista Tipo 6: Machista femenina

This is the female who accepts all of the above and allows herself be seduced, molded, or convinced very easily. She believes the stereotypes about the woman’s “role,” and will accommodate a cheating husband/boyfriend while still taking care of all household. Her goals in life are as follows: 1) Find man. 2) Keep man. 3) Make babies for man. She does not explore her own independence and inner-strength, and allows for the ugly cycle of sexism to continue.

That’s right, ladies. The men do not have all of the blame in this game.

Nor do all men fit into these molds.

I have met so many amazing men during my life, so this is not meant as a man-bashing blog. I love and respect men, and have nothing against any male doing nice things, desiring physical affection, verbally affirming others, or having fun with friends. It is when this takes either a controlling, superior, or manipulative form that they become machista.

la vida

2009-08-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

Buenos Aires is supposedly a very dangerous city, with great inequalities in wealth and the presence of drug addiction helping to fuel robberies, break-ins, rape, hold ups, and murders.

And this world is a dangerous place, full of people ready and willing to exploit the weak and use force against the strong. People from Carolina were woken up to this reality a year and a half ago with the murder of Eve Carson, and I remember a definite change in people’s world views and attitudes towards safety—we were changed from all powerful, immortal youth into vulnerable human beings.

And yet…In God we are not called to live a life of fear, but a life of love. Can we let Jesus heal our broken relationships between people, and do we believe that God has the power? And how can we do this while at the same time being wise and discerning?

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.” 1 john 4

I am living with Jane Pata, the pastora of the Puente a la Vida church, for the next couple of weeks.

Yesterday, around five o clock, the doorbell rang. Jane pressed the speaker button, and asked who it was. Four teenage boys were at the door, and wanted her to bring them out some food. They were from the opposite side of the city. She told them to wait outside a second while she fixed something to bring out to them.

I was sitting there thinking about how bad of an idea this was, to open the door for strangers in general. Four teenage boys coming all the way to her neighborhood to ask for some food…waiting for her to open the door to her house…multiple scenarios ran through my head. In this city, opening the door to four unknown teenage boys is a big no-no. She went to the door to give four slices of the freshly baked pasta to the boys, along with plates and bottles of water. I stayed in the back with the dog, ready to release him for the attack if needed. Jane stayed out with the boys talking for a few minutes before coming back.

“I talked to them about school, and told them about how important it was to keep studying, even though it it difficult,” she told me. We continued talking about this for a few minutes, about how there are always chances to show love to people, and we need to be able to recognize these moments and take advantage of them before they are gone. To be in tune with the tugging and nudging of the spirit, but how to also be wise and recognize where we should not involve ourselves.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” mark 8

Christ calls his followers to lay down their lives everyday for his sake. This is really less of a glamorous act of self-sacrifice and newsworthy behavior and more of a day to day call to live outside of our own desires and needs, to recognize where God as Lord is leading and calling.

I can easily talk about this all day long. But putting it into practice? Often times, arrogance, selfishness, fear, carelessness win out. And other times, the poverty and need and brokenness is so overwhelming that I—and many others I know—become paralyzed, either in indifference, apathy, or sadness.

But in prayer and awareness, with a hope that this world considers foolish and a peace that surpasses understanding, let us learn how to truly love without fear, love without barriers.

Gringa o yanqui?

2009-07-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

Just over two years ago, I left Mexico following an interesting and impactful study abroad experience. Once back in the United States, I had a very difficult transition for various reasons, some related to the “reverse culture shock,” some not. My experience was mainly positive and impactful, but there are always difficulties in constantly being seen as a foreigner, as someone who does not belong.

I compare Argentina more with Mexico than with the USA. They are culturally more similar to each other and more foreign to me. I love the international, big city feel of Buenos Aires, I miss the small city, artsy atmosphere of Xalapa.

One big difference between the two conceptions has been my reception as a visitor from the United States of America. In Mexico, I am a gringa. In Argentina, I am a yanki.

Mexico has a very close and emotional relationship with the United States. Clearly, they share a border. With the economic disparity comes a steady stream of immigration from Mexico to the United States.

In addition, free trade agreements such as NAFTA guarantee that many American businesses and products flood the Mexican markets. This is true worldwide, but especially here.

There is much resentment in Mexico over the trade agreements and over the treatment of immigrants/racism in the United States. At the same time, there is a longing and desire to imitate or work in El Norte, which creates an interesting tension and a nice love-hate relationship.

As a result, I unwillingly became a representative of my country, and people’s perceptions of me were influenced by their perceptions of the United States. There is little ambivalence towards the United States, people loved it, hated it, or lusted after it.

Here in Argentina, there is a certain freedom to create my own identity without the high emotional ties connected to my nationality. There is American influence here, of course, but the city has had international influences from all over the world, and looks a lot to Europe.

People here complain about their own government all the time, not that of the United States; this is so new and refreshing! I don’t have to be on the defensive ALL THE TIME. Argentines don’t blame the United States for all of their problems.

I blend in a whole lot more here, so in the streets I am not immediately recognized as foreign.

It is nice being able to build more of an identity based on myself, though still an “extranjera.” I like the lack of pre judgement.

However, I still miss being a gringa.

And I REALLLY miss Mexican food. Can't a girl get a little spice with her meat, cheese, and potatoes? A tortilla to go with the empanadas, some frijoles to go with the pizza? Who knew it would be so hard to find black beans and rice in Latin America? ay.

So, send me down Goya adobe seasoning and black beans everyone, stat. I will ship you up a cow in exchange. I think this is fair exchange.

India.Arie = my therapy

2009-07-22T20:08:00.001-07:00

It has been a while. I am just sitting here, listinging to India.Arie. I never got her new CD, but thanks to YouTube, I still have easy access.

I am going through a bit of a music withdrawal. My IPod is not working, and so I don’t have continuous access to all of MY music. Argentina is alright as far as music goes, but R&B/hip-hop there is not. I hear a lot of reggaeton, cumbia, 80s, pop, more reggaeton, rock, more reggaeton, merengue. Tango in the touristy areas.

Also, a serious dance withdrawal, but the cure will just be a matter of going salsa/taking dance classes. I was waiting to take classes until I found out about my work schedule, which happened today. Teaching Tuesday and Thursday from 7-10 PM--the late shift. Apart from this, there will be independent individual lessons. These are starting to pick up right now, as more people are coming (and actually showing up!).

Another withdrawal: I have no mirror in my room. I have no clue what I look like right now. Vanity withdrawal! Healthy, probably. I am pretty vain.

I am still looking for a long-term place to live, but apart from that, life is starting to normalize a bit.

I like Buenos Aires, and I love that there is so much to explore and learn about. However, I am getting a little antsy to leave and travel to an area where there are no buildings, just trees, where the air is clean, and where there is SPACE. I feel like the Dixie Chicks:

I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall
I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly

It is also FREEZING. But enough with the complaints. I am so lucky to be here in an interesting city, learning so much. I was wanting to move to a big city for a couple of years after college, and I got my wish.

But the thing about the big city is that there are so many people. I love people. They are so interesting, have their own story, and have their own passions and desires. I am still trying to figure out Argentines, what some general trends are, but so far I love everyone who I have met. I have been blessed to have met so many so quickly! I am usually pretty good about making friends, the problem for me comes in following up and establishing actual friendships.

So it is the concentration of people that makes this complete destruction of nature necessary, yet it is this complete concentration of people that makes the city so interesting. Hay de bueno, hay de malo.

Exploration

2009-07-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

I thought Buenos Aires was the ugliest city in the world my first few days here. A bit of an exaggeration, but I was confused about why this city is tourist destination, world famous for being the Paris of South America. Pretentious. Seriously, why be the Paris of South America when you can just be your own city?

Then, I realized that my confusion was because I’m basically living in the hood. Every time people hear that I am staying in the barrio Constitucion, they get this confused and concerned look on their face. I am staying in a church building with two other Americans right now, one of whom is male, so I am never alone here. However, they are both leaving in the next week, and after which I will move somewhere else (don’t know exactly where yet). But anyways, the dog-poop lined streets of my current home were evidently once the transvestite/prostitution hotspot of Greater Buenos Aires, though gradual gentrification has changed this.

PS, hood is a bit of an exaggeration, as there are some true slums which surround the city where people truly live in dire poverty.

But as I get to know the city a bit better, I have also seen the flip side. There are neighborhoods with wide, tree-lined boulevards, attractive buildings, and very posh looking apartments reaching up to the sky. Everything just looks perfect and pretty in these areas, with nearby parks providing nice places for dogs to poop out of the way from the heel of my boot.

It is so possible for people to only know one side of their city. The nice side. Or the hood side. Or the immigrant areas. Or the business district. As people, we have our bubbles and our niches, and this applies universally to all cities and towns. In high school, I traveled between school, church, dance studio, home, and every once in a while to friends houses or the mall. Didn’t really go beyond that.

I love exploring new places and trying new things (like that blood sausage last Saturday…wow), and so hope to come to know Buenos Aires very well in the next few months. I also want to see the city for what it really is, not just for how I will experience it in my daily life. We will see how that works out.

Right now, due to schools and everything being closed for swine flu (lame), I will have a lot more time on my hands than planned, since I can’t work when schools are not in session. Maybe this is time to just walk around the city, see what is up, get myself lost…find some areas of peace and quiet (Please God, that there are areas of peace in this city!), find that one coffee shop that will become my second home, browse through used book stores, listen to the radio and discover Argentine music … just explore.

All I need is a few like minded souls to explore with me…going solo is only fun for so long. Anyone? Anyone?

Meat

2009-07-07T07:58:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday was my third 4^th or July out of the country, and I find that there is no better way to start feeling patriotic about my country than to spend time in another one. Yes, the United States is a materialistic county with an arrogant foreign policy, but, every country has major defects.

But this past July 4^th, I was able to experience a that wonderful 4^th of July tradition (cook outs!) with a distinctly Argentine flavor. Mmm, beef. Although I not the biggest fan of beef, when you get a real nice steak done up right, my primal carnivoristic instincts reappear and oh, mmmmmmeat gooooood. I had not eaten a steak in well over a year. wow. good.

So I think in an earlier post I mentioned that the Calle 9 de Julio was 10 lanes wide. Scratch that, it is about 18 lanes wide in near where I am. Which is why crossing it is so annoying.

Culture

2009-06-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

There is a temptation for traveling Americans to label everything exotic and culturally different as “good” and everything American as “bad,” especially as we are try to escape being labeled an obnoxious, closed-minded gringo. During Bush’s time in office, this hyper-critical attitude was a survival mechanism in a time of bitter anti-Americanism. There exists also the opposite tendency, which is to reject everything new and different, but this has never been my personality.

There are some wise words a wise woman (my mother) once told me: Not better, not worse, just different. Once we accept this reality, we find freedom to live in and experience different ways of life without having to pass judgment. It just is.

So, I find myself a bit more ambivalent about Buenos Aires than about previous places I have visited and lived, but this is not necessarily due to any dislike, but more to a realization that I will not find perfection or the ideal in a foreign land. Also, over the past year, I have come to appreciate and love my hometowns—Durham, for all of its faults and quirkiness; and Chapel Hill, home of my beloved alma mater (Go Heels!).

Durham unexpectedly has destroyed my dreams of living abroad. As I grow, I want to live in an area where I can serve and love with all my heart the community and the people. I love this city. For now, and probably for a couple years to come, the Dirty D and I will be apart. Who knows, maybe forever? But life is life, who knows where we will all go? Abroad is no better than domestic, although I used to think it was.

Here in BA, I have loved—spending time with people, getting to know them, having five hour long dinners discussing everything and anything. Re-discovering free time, reading and relaxing. Learning to curb my uber-independent nature (and learning humility). Feeling hospitality. Enjoying the craziness, madness, and excitement of living in the big city.
Pues, back to the cultural difference: some things clearly can be a better/worse situation (hearing people here complain about the corruption here makes me very grateful for the US of A government). And other things can be slightly annoying—for example, the concept of time here, or lack thereof. Lucky for me, I am a very high P personality type on Myers-Briggs, which is probably one reason that I do well in Latin American culture. Their conception of time and my personality flow very nicely together, though as times can also be disastrous, like the semester after I returned from Mexico, where is was normal for students to arrive to classes 20 or 30 minutes late. Unfortunately, I decided to carry this habit over to my classes at Carolina. Bad idea.

Other cultural difference: less fruits and veggies, more meat, more cheese, more pastries.

Also: H1N1 spreading rapidly, it is winter, flu season in full swing, awful air quality, it’s cold, too much traffic, eww.

But: yummy pasties, delicious wine, a Mexican restaurant named Xalapa (haven’t been yet, but oh, it will happen, and I hope the owners are Xalapeños), discovery of there is some good live music, fun time, gracious people, lots of time and opportunity to think, pray, read, reconcile myself with the church.

I had a realization today in church that I have been trying to use God to justify my own ideals and goals—ideals of justice, righteousness, social change. God becomes a tool for this change, us as humans being available and willing to be used by God. But, if I do truly believe that he IS justice, righteousness, and social change, better that I surrender (o that hated word) to whatever that would be.

Surrender can be made into an okay concept. “Let go, let go, cause there’s beauty in the breakdown.” It sounds so romantic, and rings so true, but finding beauty among the mess that is life and pride and confession and helplessness and insecurity is pretty impossible. Hmmmm…..Jesus?

Meow.

2009-06-26T14:01:00.000-07:00

So, I have been brought up to hate cats. Cats are the spawn of satan. Dogs are the far superior animal, although if under 50 pounds they can and will be classified as hairless/hairy rats.

However, I have now come to share residency with a cat named Chi Chi. A meowing, annoying, clingy cat—though these traits do make this creature a bit less evil than its elusive and sneaky counterparts. Chi Chi lives in the church building (where I live), brought in as a way to scare off rats from the church kitchen. The creature is pretty spoiled—instead of ignoring its cries for attention, I hold and pet it and let it inside the church, as opposed to the patio where Chi Chi is supposed to stay.
Aw well. Cats are cats.

So, interesting week in Buenos Aires. I went to visit the school where I might teach at, which is a private school which has started a bilingual afterschool program, where the kids can stay afterschool to learn English three afternoons a week. The kids were pretty talkative, not paying the teachers any attention, but the teachers were really not doing much to hold their attention. They just kept on with the lessons, every once in a while turning around and telling the kids to be quiet, please. Evidently, this is normal in Argentine schools. This truly has caused an appreciation of Durham Public Schools, where the teachers had no problem fussing out any 7-year-old and scaring the crap out of them. I have many fond memories of being cussed out by teachers or having them throw books across the room.

This week has been both a time of a lot of activity and a lot of rest. Last night I had my first true night out, not getting in until 6 am. I went out with some people to play pool, leaving at 12 am and coming back late. This was after eating dinner (lasting from 7-11, por supuesto), at the house of the man the man (Aldo) who is preaching at the church on Sunday. He is not the preacher at Puente de la Vida, as the church has not had a regular preacher for three years, since the death of Alberto Pata, who led the church with his wife, Jane. She has continued leading the church, but does not like to preach nor does she feel comfortable doing so, and so there is a continuing rotation of temporary speakers. Aldo has been preaching here for the past six months, but is not actually a member of the church.

Anyway, this man is a dual cardiologist and theologian, who has been able to travel the world due to his talent in both areas. Crazy enough, he and his wife both were part of the medical staff which attended to Juan Peron in the 1970s, when he became president of Argentina for the last time. Needless to say, this couple had some pretty interesting things to say, including about the political situation. There are municipal elections here on Sunday, which everyone is apathetic/passionate about (they hate politics, it is all corrupt, elections will not change a thing, etc).

getting settled in

2009-06-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

I am living in a church right in the downtown area of BA, a half block down from the longest road in the world, according to Frommers. 10 lanes. Crossing is a long journey, and let me tell you about the smog. You know that feeling when you have something extremely important to say? In order to emphasize the profundity of your thoughts, it is necessary to inhale deeply. Be careful of doing this while in downtown Buenos Aires, lest you end up in a horrible coughing fit. I don´t know how long I will be able to live in such an congested area, but luckily I am looking to move out of the church and in with a family within the next two months. For now, the central location is nice—I am right on a subway line.

It is also a very international city. It has always been international, with many immigrants (leading to a strange combination of Spanish first names and Anglo or German last names, such as Jorge Schmidt). In 2001, they went through a huge economic collapse, after which the cost of living became much more accessible for many South Americans from other countries, Africa, and other parts of the world. However, the most important conclusion arising from this is that yes, I discovered a Mexican restaurant here, which smelled of rice, beans, and enchiladas. Yay! True, it takes about an hour to arrive there (after taking two subway lines and a twenty minute bus ride), that will probably be true with most things in the city, as it is so big and congested.

So far, I have mainly been running around, doing errands, getting my room unpacked, and teaching a couple of English classes. One woman is a 79-year old woman who is the sweetest thing ever. Older people are amazing, just to talk to and listed to their stories.
Les quiero mucho, hasta luego! Ciao.

2009-06-16T13:16:00.000-07:00

Hello from Buenos Aires. I arrived just this morning.

It is a bit strange how non-chalant the arrival has been. Exploring new cities, trying to soak up cultural idiosyncracies...something I love so much. And yet, it seems so rutine for me. Not necessarily in a bad way; more reflecting the reality that I have traveled a good bit. This has been a huge blessing in my life, that so many doors have opened for interesting, abnormal international experiences.

But Buenos Aires--is huge. And it is winter. Definitely not as cold as North Carolina winters, but still pretty chilly, especially without good indoor heating systems. ick. Actually, since I have only been here for six hours, I retract that statement, as it is impossible to judge climate in that short of time.

I almost do not want to descibe BA either, I have seen so little of it. But, it is big, and has a subway station, and all of that jazz. Went out to lunch with Christian, a friend who is also in BA now, had a meal called "Sweet Carolina." I saw that item and just knew that the restaurant had put this on the menu in order to welcome the Carolina Girl. Chicken and grapes in some kind of sweet sauce. Yummy. Thanks, Restaurante El Cloc for the welcome.

Lots of bit white buildings, though. I kind of want to go around splashing orange, blue, and purple paint on their walls, just to create color. I think there is a neighborhood like that somewhere in the city, a more touristy neighborhood. Where I am is definitely not touristy, which is nice, because even though it is not quite as pretty, all of the nearby amenities should be much cheaper than those in the sector turista. I am staying in the church building, which has a kitchen, bathroom with showers, and trundle bed--a nice little apartment.

What else? Oh, yes, the plane ride. For all of those who are know about/mock me for (ahem Becca) my fear of flying, I did great. Especially on the flight from DC to BA--going on three hours of sleep the night before, plus TylenolPM, whoooooo, I was not very awake. I still could not sleep, but that drowsy half-concious state still feels so good. Still, the ride was loooong (ten and a half hours). And then, there were some very friendly Argentine 20-somethings sitting next to me, trying to have a conversation, but then I just kept dosing off and they gave up. Rude? No, just drugged.

But anyways, to conclude, I am here, nothing too exciting to report. Korah is sick (pobresita--we are hoping that she gets well soon, but is sleeping lots and has the space heater cranked up on high), Christian is sleeping. It was good to see Jane face to face, not just on email.

I am reading another one of Brian MaLaren's books, "The Secret Message of Jesus." So far, It is a great book (though I am only on page 20, and so far it is kind or repeating what he talks about in "Everything Must Change"). For those of us tired of the Christian religiousity that can skew and undermine Jesus' message, it is often so easy to brush aside today's church, especially in its US of A context, and try to disassociate ourselves from any traditional conception of the Christian religion. McLaren has these tendencies for sure (maybe that is why I like him so much), but at the same time, I love his focus on Jesus.

In one of the paragraphs in his introduction, he writes,

"So I've been on a journey, a search. You might call it a journey of doubt, because I've doubted some conventional understandings of Jesus and his message. You might also call it a journey of faith, because my quest emerges from deep conviction that whatever the essential meaning of Jesus' message is, it's true and worth knowing--that even if it overturns some of our conventional assumptions, priorities, values, and practices, a better understanding will be worth the temporary discomfort."

I feel that this perfectly describes where I am, and probably will be for a long time. A fairly uncomfortable, yet worthwhile place. I hope that the next six months--working with a church--will enrich this search; and teach much; and challenge much. I will definitely be relying more on God because, well, I have to.

Ciao.

2009-06-06T20:47:00.001-07:00

And thus, let the ramblings and rants commence...